I recently heard one of the most depressing songs in the annals of popular music, Alone Again (Naturally). Gilbert O’Sullivan’s oldie hit is catchy and now I can’t stop humming it. It starts with wanting to find the highest tower from which to throw himself off, as he was ditched at the altar. It goes downhill from there, as it bemoans the death of his parents. Meanwhile, the only lyrics I can remember as I hum is the refrain, “Alone again, naturally.” And it makes me smile.
I’ve processed a lot of fear around “alone” and “lonely.” I’ve come to realize that the only state of being is “alone,” no matter how many people are around. I’m in my own bubble of an experience, as are the other people. Together, we distract, entertain, annoy, and interact all kinds of ways. We enjoy the company of some more than others, to be sure. Sometimes I imagine trading consciousness with someone else, just for a moment to see what it’s like. I’m certain I would likely throw myself off the highest tower if I ever did. For better or worse, I’m used to my experience of the Universe, and know it could never be different. Or it would be.
But I digress. Just as the infinite universes in the actual Universe co-exist among the others, so do the individual consciousness-es of all the humans on the earth. All One, alone and together. Co-existing in parallel play. Alone is a fact of life. Sooner or later, we all must say goodbye to everyone. Chuckling at such gloomy and liberating words.
I suffered greatly from the confusion of lonely and alone, because fear promoted it. Fear promotes itself, to protect us perhaps. But it can and does go overboard. (Digression warning: I’m thinking of media, and how fear-based media promotes itself and creates all kinds of dis-ease for those who get sucked up by it. Media feeds our fear, if we play with it without awareness. And now I will tie up this digression to the song referenced above as an example of my point, nice and tidy).
Anyhow, after practicing fear management over and over and over in the only moment that matters, I’ve come to a new experience of alone. If alone is the only way to be, and it is, then why not release to it? Accept and allow it and be grateful for it. For me, there’s been a theme of alone, in the romantic sense, and much resistance to it. That resistance is called Lonely. I lost myself in past relationships, as I fearfully clung to another. I’m grateful for the pain of such experiences, as it brings me back to alone. Every custom-made crisis of my making has returned me to open, through the unpleasant but necessary dirty work of exploring fearful closed. Alone and open is an exciting adventure of possibilities, self-mastery and liberation.
The irony is that the more I practice this moment in fearless Alone, the more I find myself surrounded by loving, supportive, kind and generous people. And I find myself more loving, supportive, kind and generous. And playful and curious and creative and so on. My heart overwhelms with gratitude.
As I continue to return to fully occupy this moment, every moment feels the same. Open is open, and all is well. In sweet ignorance of the past or future, life is simple, easy, satisfying and fearless. One could say “natural.”
Alone again, and always. Naturally.
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