Guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it. (Proverbs 4:23). This one's about discipline.
A good friend of mine is intent on starting a wellness program, encouraged by her doctor. She is obese Her knees are painful, even non-functional at times. She shared her plans to lose weight and get PT. I was surprised at first, because for years she has been resistant to any kind of weight-loss attempts—she had “been there, done that” too many times. I took in the information with interest but didn’t give feedback as she hadn’t asked for it.
As we were wrapping up, she declared, “It’s just a matter of no excuses!” I could hold my tongue no longer. I gently observed that our language often expresses our inner negativity, and framing the process negatively sets us up for failure. She’s blaming herself for excuses, for “failures.” She appreciated that, it helped her feel lighter about the process. Soon she said, “I need to lose weight, plain and simple.” She agreed when I offered that no one “needs” to do anything. It’s all about choice, and having the self-sovereignty to make different, preferred choices. Instead, perhaps she WANTS to lose weight, so that her life will feel more comfortable, functional, and healthy. Language matters, as it reflects our inner state.
I may not know anything and I'm fine with that, but I do know discipline. Intimately. Through the practice of discipline in yoga and in life (same thing), I’ve learned what works and what doesn’t. That evening, I thought about what I would say to her, as she considers her extreme predicament. If she asks.
I would share my great excitement for her, as she faces the perfect custom-made health crisis she created. It is a golden opportunity to heal what ails her. And what ails her isn’t her weight and knees. What ails her (and everyone) is fear, shame, embarrassment, self-judgement, insecurity, and inattention to the harmful thoughts, beliefs, and emotions. Negativity has fed her mind, heart, and body.
I would prepare her for the fact that instituting any new discipline will trigger all that fear, negativity, and more. All the harsh messages that fueled the situation will be magnified, under the microscope of discipline. And that is a blessing.
I would encourage her to shine a light on the internal darkness. Study the thoughts, feelings, beliefs with curiosity, patience, and inner kindness. Watch the self-judgement, criticism, grim messages. Darkness cannot withstand the light of awareness. The layers of confusion, misunderstandings, and false reasoning are deep, so be prepared to stick with it. Journaling helps expose the deepest layers, as the fingers process the mind’s worst stories. Write it out = right it out.
I would warn her to be prepared to “fail.” Failure is required when trying, just as mistakes are required for learning. We learned to walk by falling, and there is no way around that. We learn far more from failure than we do from success, provided we keep trying. And we learn far more from success when we acknowledge every “win” with gratitude, as we bless ourselves with good choices, self-control, and effort.
I would say that her highest wisdom knows her better than she knows herself. It’s been with her since day one and has witnessed her intelligence, skills, and abilities ever since. If that wisdom inspires her to improve her health, then she must have the potential and ability to change her choices. Fear alone tells her otherwise.
I would tell her that change only happens in this moment. Choices can only be made now. Life only happens now. Take one step/moment at a time. Be present and engaged, and closely watch the decision-making process. Let history rest in peace.
I would preach Proverbs 4:23 to her: "Above all else, guard your heart, for everything flows from it." Guard against negativity, self-derision, and frustration. Watch and notice the words, reactions, emotions, and thoughts. Guard the heart vigilantly from fear, so that it’s recognized and managed.
In discipline and in life, a courageous, curious, and gentle heart works wonders. An open heart makes trying, practicing, and decision-making more fun, interesting, comfortable, and productive.
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