After four days in bed, I have emerged. Got up, stripped the bed, threw the sweaty tangle of flannel sheets in the washer, and plopped down on my meditation cushion for the first time in a while.
I settled onto the cushion and scanned the situation with curiosity. I shifted around. I gently and firmly engaged my abs to support the long, lovely, complex structure of the spine as my crown lifted to the sky. Ahh. It felt pretty damn good. I was surprised at how quickly my mind cleared and simmered down, after four days of streaming mindless entertainment and countless hours of anti-social media.
Tentatively, I determined the worst was behind me, as my body felt comfortable. I sharply remembered how vain I had been. It was just a week or two ago, when I was literally bragging about how special I was that I hadn't gotten Covid. Embarrassing! So, I wasn’t going to take anything for granted.
In my cozy, comfortable seated position, I was overcome: the wisdom of this body knew exactly how to handle the infectious threat. All I had to do was lie there and take it. I couldn’t fix or change or do anything to alter the course of the virus. My only job was to be still, rest, and support the body with hydration and nutrition.
There was a secondary “dis-ease,” though: my own confusing ideas about the situation. These ideas included fear-based worries and complaints about the persistent fever, swollen glands, and excessive discharge of mucus. There was a story of doing yoga to help the situation along, and self-criticism about laziness when I couldn’t get out of bed. Oh, the vanity! And fear! Fear is vying for attention. Fear is bossy, sneaky, loud, overly protective, stifling, limiting, intrusive, confusing, and only necessary on rare occasions.
Be Still. Be still and know that I am God (Psalm 46:10). The body commanded me to be still, and I was lucky enough that my situation supported four days in bed. Either way, the body would have healed itself, but with more mental, physical, and emotional discomfort.
It reminds me of that time I ate too many magic mushrooms. As they were kicking in, Something commanded me, BE STILL! It felt like God or a firm parent or a doctor was saying, “This is going to hurt a lot more if you aren’t still.” I clung to that commandment for dear life during the ensuing experience. And ever after.
There is the wisdom of our universe within us. The wisdom of the body and mind (and every other facet of experience) has traveled the entirety of our lives. Wisdom knows everything we have been through. It knows everything we need. It knows everything we are capable of. Wisdom stands at the ready as a silent sentinel, competent and courageous, ready to assist at any moment. It is accessible through stillness.
Gratitude overwhelms me.
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