I’ve received a message throughout my life, one I’ve generally managed to ignore: Be Still. The most urgent and unpleasant example was when I ate far too many magic mushrooms, to heal a broken heart. I was alone in a rustic mountain cabin and ate a big pile of fungus. I was puttering around, waiting for the effects to kick in. I grabbed a broom to sweep, so I could lay my yoga mat down for whatever was coming. But it was too late for sweeping. A voice commanded, “Be Still.” It felt like how a firm father or doctor would advise, as in, “Be still, this will hurt less.” I staggered to the couch and plopped down on it for several miserable hours.
It wasn’t a scary trip, but it brought the experience of pure sadness raining down on me. I sat on the couch, crying for humanity, crying for myself, crying for life, crying for death. Throughout the ordeal, I clung to the prayer “Be Still.” I clung to my breath. I allowed the process to play out, for there was no point in doing otherwise. Fortunately, I was given the strategy straight off: Be still. When I could walk again, I hiked around the woods, still crying, and devastated. Funny, I attended a dinner party that night. Suffice it to say I was not the life of the party. But that lesson has stuck with me, as the message from The Doctor guides me today: Be Still. It was like I had to practice stillness during that traumatic experience, to prepare myself to carry it through my every day life. And I have.
This may sound like fake hippie magical thinking, but science has proven that psilocybin is curative. It works to heal people with PTSD, and far more. Some mushrooms can consume toxic waste and clean the environment. I trust the mushrooms and I trust the process far more than I trust my own confused ideas. So, I don’t think it matters if the hallucinations are pleasant or scary or sad, they are untangling the faulty wiring, clarifying the mental and emotional confusion. And I’m grateful for the message and for the experience of this difficult day. (To be sure I am not recommending psilocybin to anyone for any reason. Consult your doctor, therapist, preacher, or mama for such advice! Or do your own research, there is loads of trustworthy material out there.)
These days, I’ve come to realize that stillness is a practice, like everything. And the more you play with it, the more accessible it is. When I drop into stillness throughout my day, I appreciate its utter luxury. This sense of abundance, comfort, ease, security, and expansiveness is completely free and available to anyone. In stillness, there is nothing to do, nothing to judge, nothing to change, and everything is acceptable. It is a simple and complete state of being.
Even as I write these words, I know they sound too good to be true. If I was reading them, I’d quit right now. I’m far too cynical to fall for a get-happy-quick scheme. But it’s not a quick scheme by any measure, and happiness doesn’t have much to do with it. Happiness and sadness are generally reactions to external events and situations.
New meditation practitioners approach the activity with unrealistic expectations. At least, I did. I thought I could plop down on a fancy meditation cushion and instantly sink into something resembling nirvana. And when that failed, my judging mind and disappointed heart decided I was lacking in some basic spiritual ability. This idea makes me laugh! Like everything in this world with few exceptions, we must practice stillness. Interestingly, the practice of stillness is the practice of opening, for complete stillness is a wide-open experience, with no limits, conditions, expectations. It’s the complete absence of fear, resistance, confusion, stories. To be sure, it is luxury beyond any other measure.
I feel compelled to quickly share the last four (out of eight) limbs of yoga. They are dedicated to the practice of stillness, and they are all focused on self-study (like all the limbs). Self-study is required for awareness, and awareness is required for healing. First is Pratyahara, sitting still and observing the inner fluctuations of the body, emotions, mind. It is the bridge from the external demands and distractions of the five senses, to the exploration of the internal condition. The next limb is Dharana, focus and concentration on a single thing, such as breath or a mantra (or anything, as Patanjali teaches—whatever works for the person). Dhyana is the seventh limb, which means profound meditation. And finally, with practice, there is Samadhi, pure and open consciousness.
As stillness is practiced, little glimpses of open, clean consciousness present themselves. They are elusive and scatter off due to our busy minds and stories, our demanding senses, and our reactive hearts. We tend to seek the glimpses, grasp at the idea of them, chase them. But that approach has the opposite effect and runs them off. With practice, these glimpses or tastes can be sipped on, so that they become familiar and comfortable.
Early on, I had a memorable meditation experience, which could best be described as awareness of the full potential of the Universe which rests within me and everyone and everything. I didn’t understand it and wrote it off as one of those mystical experiences which are fun and pretty, but not much more than that.
Now as I play with wide open stillness, the experience of universal potential feels accurate. Naturally, words are limited to describe such internal adventures.
I’ve been considering the “soul” more lately, as I hear the word thrown around in relation to mass shootings. I’ve heard people refer to “evil souls” among us. If there is a soul within each of us, and if it is divine in some way, wouldn’t it stand to reason that every soul arrives the same and remains the same throughout life? How could souls vary, from person to person, situation to situation, by the very definition of it? And why wouldn’t that vital life force be the exact life force of the entire Universe? Aren't all things a spark of that which creates and animates them?
It’s life conditions that layers on the confusion, damages the personality, creates the fear, and clings to beliefs and ideas like they are Gods. All this confusion obstructs from that vital life force within us, accessible through stillness and the absence of all other distractions.
I confess, I know nothing more about the soul than anyone else. I’m just playing with some fun ideas this beautiful Sunday morn on planet earth.
If you are inspired to practice stillness, bless yourself by honoring that inspiration with action. Discover the luxury of stillness.
"Be still and know that I am God." Psalm 46:10
My favorite Pslam ♥️