(From the series “Words of Wisdom to My Younger Self”—things that might have helped me long ago, when I suffered greatly)
I would tell you about how my friends and I crack up laughing, saying “Thank you, Carrie” instead of “Thank you, God”. Or I’ll chime in, “Thank me!” and they respond, “Thank you, Carrie!” All in good fun, and all completely serious. I once told them how I thank myself when I make good choices or when things are going my way, and so now we wryly embrace the concept.
In all seriousness, I am the God of my Universe. There is no other. You were, are and will always be the God of your Universe. There can be no other. If this sounds like blasphemy, good. If this makes me a heretic, all the better. I refuse to believe in someone else’s idea of a Creator, and so did you. Thank me and thank you.
When I prepare for a one-hour power yoga work-out, for example, sometimes I don’t want to do it. I may be as lazy as a slug, dreading the effort and every moment of it. I may be inclined to resist every moment of it. I may have to practice mentally returning to the pose, to the mat and to the moment constantly. I may have to release resistance constantly. And when I’m done, when I’m pushing myself up from the final Corpse Pose, I pause with my forehead on the mat and thank myself sincerely. I couldn’t be more grateful for making all the choices necessary to spend sixty minutes engaged in that activity, instead of staring at anti-social media or other less beneficial activities. Time is limited. I’m grateful when I chose to spend it wisely.
Every single morning, when I sit down to write, I must pray to my own highest self: guide me. Give me courage to face myself, to face my dear old laptop. Help me remember, I pray, writing isn’t about me (my personality) but about by-passing the personality by creating. I pray to Wisdom, that She continues to dream and inspire me, and that I may dare to dream and be inspired. I pray that I may trust Wisdom to provide the words. Most mornings I have no idea what I will write about, and yet Wisdom comes through. Some days the judge-y mind may not like the results, but I showed up and sat my carcass down. So I thank me sincerely.
When I am "out of sorts" and tangled up with anger, anxiety, confusion, or any kind of messiness, if I sit down to figure out what is happening internally and why, rest assured, I thank myself. And if I can eventually release that burden of confusion—whether it takes moments, weeks or months or just one deep calming breath to do it, I thank myself. Self-examination is a choice, and it’s often a horrifying choice at that. But I am the God of my Universe, so I must know how the Universe is functioning. I am the God of my experience, and if my experience sucks it is my own responsibility to improve it. As I often say, if I’m not having fun, it’s my own damn fault.
The point is that life is scary. Dreams are scary. Risk is scary. Even opening to the moment is scary, as you examine what closes, for you mistakenly believe you are inadequate. Fear is powerful, creative and determined. But you can make a choice in every single moment, if you are awake to the possibility. Perhaps you can’t change certain aspects of your situation in this moment, but you most certainly can change how you respond to it. And the very least you can do is actually show up for it.
In your Universe, you have the potential to Lord over your experience from the highest heavens. And you will find over time that most of the problem situations you encounter--from bad jobs to bad boyfriends and all the other custom-made crises large and small—are simply life unfolding as it will. Resistance is the actual problem, and when you choose to release resistance, the quality of the experience improves. While there’s little you can control in this life, the little choices are the big ones. Becoming aware of little choices and making them is the practice of free will.
Life at its most basic level is simply an experience on this weird and interesting planet, nothing more and nothing less. Some people may have a larger impact on the fate of humanity, the arts, science, whatever. But those folks are nothing to you, nothing to your experience. They are other universes, engaged in their own experiences. And the funny thing is that when you open to the moment and to your life, you will significantly improve your experience of yourself and your You-niverse. (Oh, that is horrible and cute at the same time).
There’s a lot of pressure to “become” something, to make money, be successful, be admired and to be loved. And yet everyone knows that none of those things brings satisfaction and meaning, in and of themselves. How could they, when so much of the time we are motivated by fear of lack and loneliness? Imagine opening, so that you recognize the opportunities for abundance, success, admiration and love in everyday life. That is how satisfaction, ease and authenticity feel. That is how “open” feels, when you examine and release “closed.” You hold the key to unlock your own liberation. You have the ability and opportunity to bless yourself and your life, but only in this moment.
We all wind up in the same place, dead and gone. The quality of your personal experience is the only important thing. And the quality of your experience depends on one thing only: this moment. Choose to be in it. Choose to observe how you are doing. Choose to dig deep to discover the problem (fear) and face it like the warrior you are. And while you’re at it, face your inspiration and your dreams, and examine why you aren’t pursuing them (fear). The little choices you make in each moment are critical to the quality of your life experience. And the most important choice you can make is also the easiest, with practice: return to this moment. It’s the only one that matters.
I would tell you that if any of these words connect with you, it is Wisdom that recognizes them. Believe and trust Her.
Finally, I would tell you that when you operate in partnership with Wisdom, you are a powerful team.
“Untroubled, scornful, outrageous - that is how wisdom wants us to be: she is a woman and never loves anyone but a warrior.” Nietzsche
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