During meditation, I’m often impressed by the stamina of my attention deficit, and the power of my unruly thoughts. Many minutes can pass before I realize that my attention has been lost. Once I realize, I return my focus to the breath and return my attention there. Or try.
It was hard today. My mind was busy reviewing a certain conversation thoroughly. It was examining what I said, wondering if it was a good thing to say or a stupid thing to say, or neither or both, and so on. The thoughts wondered what I could or should have said instead. And wondered what the person with whom I was conversing thought of me. In other words, the usual.
As I struggled to regain control of my own attention, I was reminded yet again: my attention is the only thing I can control—even if barely so, sometimes.
We can’t control our thoughts. By the same token, our thoughts don’t have to control us. I love that token.
Since we can’t control thoughts, we don’t have to resist them, quiet them, or change them in any way. We have nothing to do but notice and practice returning our attention to reality. And if reality doesn’t feel too great, then we bring it back to the breath, a sound, or a spot on the wall.
A wise guru said that thoughts are like a corral of wild horses. Before they can be tamed, they must be studied so their behavior, reactions, habits, and preferences, can be known. Only then can they be subdued.
As we navigate this world, we must have the ability to think thoughts. They serve us well, and we’d be impaired without them. But they can also undermine us, especially when they’re fear-based, negative, invasive. They can confuse our sound decision-making process, so that we make poor decisions based on fear, insecurity, neediness, etc. And when we're unaware of the content and intrusiveness of our thoughts, we can feel distant from the actual experience of living. Being “lost in thought” is like sleepwalking through a dream of a life.
It’s important to know our thoughts, so that we can determine whether they are wild horses run amok, or beneficial, healthy, affirming helpers. By practicing focus and paying attention, we make space for an easier, more satisfying and connected life experience.
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