A friend and I were discussing the costume of personality we wear, to navigate this earthly realm. They said that deep down, they don’t like themselves. They don’t like the role they are playing, the costume they are wearing. They said they were unsure if they were anything other than the costume.
But that person says they have no interest in untangling the confusion of who and what they are. It’s too much. The costumes can be convincing and convenient. We're used to them. If we can live a productive, meaningful, and happy life, there’s nothing wrong with the costume. The only problem is when the wardrobe malfunctions.
I was convinced that depression and anxiety were essential parts of my personality. That was who I was, depressed and anxious. These conditions were mandatory. They were necessary to the role I played. How could I change the situation, even if I wanted to?
After intensive and extensive self-study, a cornerstone of yoga, I discovered that all the details in the story of depression and anxiety were fear-based. Courage was required to look within because I was terrified to see what was there. I sincerely believed that at the core, I was awful. I was convinced that I was inadequate, ignorant, unlovable, lonely, etc. Once I summoned the courage to examine myself, my experience, my beliefs about myself and the world, eventually confusion dropped away. Courage connected me with my authentic, natural self. Sunlight disinfects.
The character (and all the wardrobes and masks with which we identify it) is not authentic, true, or even real. In essence, the personality is a misrepresentation, a fabrication created by a fear-based culture. The costume is a brutal master to whom we must serve every day. To support the falsehood, we must ignore inspiration, aspirations, and notions of our highest, wisest selves living our best lives. To support the falsehood, we succumb to greed, jealousy, dishonesty, and hostility. It’s only natural that depression and anxiety would result.
The struggle is always between wisdom and fear. Fear tells us we suck, that we are inadequate, imperfect, and ignorant. Fear confuses our emotions and closes our minds.
Wisdom tells us that it’s safe to acknowledge our dreams and follow inspiration. Wisdom provides the courage to take all the small steps required to improve the quality of our lives. To open to our true, authentic selves, we must examine everything that closes. If we don't observe and manage fear, it will manage us.
There’s no end to the journey, which makes it all the more interesting and satisfying. Every moment of every day, we can practice courage, kindness, and generosity of spirit. We can practice our best lives. We can practice freedom. We can practice Supreme Being.
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